I Love My Husband

I love my husband. I love my husband. I freakin' LOVE my husband.

Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I'll finally believe it. :)

Actually, that's not really true. I do love my husband, and if there's anything in this world I'm certain of , it is that.. after 15 years, marrying him twice, and following him to the ends of the earth, I think the time for second thoughts is long past. :)

Still, to say that this past week has been a challenging time in our relationship might be a bit of an understatement. His upcoming 6 week long trip to San Antonio at the military's request has us both more than slightly at wits' end. We both know that things like this are simply a part of the military life, and we both are very aware that it could be worse - many families are currently being separated for much longer than 6 weeks, and under much worse circumstances than only being a 6 or so hour drive apart. We've been trying to keep ourselves busy with other activities, so that our minds are occupied and we don't think about what is to come. We even tell ourselves that it won't really be a whole 6 weeks, since the kids and I are planning to go down and visit him for a nice weekend before school starts, and he's planning on trying to come home for a weekend at around the 4 week or so mark, if he can.

And yet, none of those reassurances, none of those comforting thoughts is really making this any easier for us. The fact that he has to leave soon is like a big ugly stinky elephant in the room, even if we don't acknowledge it. We still get stressed, and all that anxiety, and uncertainty, all that dread, and displeasure evidences itself in griping and sniping at one another. It's insane really.. you'd think we'd be spending these last 2 weeks before he leaves making the most of our time together, and instead, we've spent at least one of them doing nothing constructive in our relationship at all.

So, realizing that I couldn't handle this on my own, I did what I always do when things get stressful and hard like this. I called my Daddy - my heavenly Father, that is. Don't get me wrong, my earthly father is an amazing man, and I love him dearly, he gives great advice when I do call on him, but this time..this time I just needed the peace that only my Heavenly Father can provide.

Our conversation was an interesting one. After rattling off a long list of complaints about Richard, and a general whinefest about the situation as a whole, God responded. His answer, and the conversation that followed was one I didn't really expect.

"Leave him to me."

"But..But Daddy, I'm scared. I'm insecure, I mean, what if...?"

"Leave Richard, and the what-ifs, and everything about this situation to me, Dee. I'm in control of this. Haven't I seen you through so much already? Trust me on this one. I've got it under control. I've got your back. Just leave it all to me."

"But God, what if Richard's not the man I want him to be, the man I think he needs to be to meet my emotional needs while he's away.."

"Dee.. I know you better than anyone else. I knew you before you were born, I know the number of hairs on your head By the way, the red color's nice.. I like it, much closer to the color I gave you..."

"Thanks, Dad, I like it too! And the glaze stuff Jill put on it last time... -loving- it! Too cool! But anyway.. you were saying...?"

"Oh, yes.. now where was I? Ahh, yes. Dee, no one knows you better or loves you more than I do. I know what is perfect for you, what you need in a husband, probably even more than you do. Haven't I always promised you that I would give you greater things than you could ever imagine for yourself if you would just trust Me, and follow My will? That what I have in store for you is greater by far than what you may think you want? Richard may not always seem to live up to your romantic notions, he may not be the romantic hero that so many of my kids seem to think that Rob Pattinson guy from Twilight is, but.."

"Um..Daddy? I don't like Rob Pattinson.."

"Yes, yes, I know that, Dee. Duhh! I'm only God of everything, I think I figured that one out! Honestly, that whole shimmering vampire thing kind of wrankles my robes, too. How about that Jensen Ackles fellow you're so fond of, then?"

"Much better!"

" Okay Jensen Ackles it is. Back to My point, then. Dee, Richard may not always live up to your ideas of what you think he -should- be..he may not seem the most romantic soul at times, and I know that at times, he falls short of what you might expect..but I created him, as well, and I'm the one that gave you two a heart for one another. Don't you think that in him, I've given you a man that is -more- than what you've dreamed of? I've given you a man that -I- as your father, the One who loves you best, dreams of for you. Don't worry, Dee. Leave him to me. Trust me. Let go, and just love him. Let Me take care of everything else."

"Yes, Sir...I get it, Daddy, and you're right. I'm sorry that it took me this long to see it... but.. umm.. Daddy?"

"Yes, dear?"

"About Richard leaving his dirty underwear on the bathroom floor in the morning..do You think You could..."

"Already on it!"

Okay, obviously, I've embellished a bit on the "conversation", although truthfully, not that much. I tend to have some rather quirky dialogue with my creator from time to time. And don't worry, no, I'm not hearing disembodied voices or having auditory hallucinations, either.. this is just what I felt God was teaching me in that moment.

And as usual.. He was right. Of course, He's God, that's sort of status quo, isn't it? :) Everything that's happening right now, is according to His will, just as it's supposed to..and even though I may hate the idea of Richard being away for 6 weeks, God is working His purpose even in our time apart. I don't have to worry about what Richard may do, or not do, while he's there - my Daddy's got his eye on him, and trust me, if he messes up, my Daddy will definitely let him know about it- and my Daddy can totally kick butt if he wants to! Remember that whole flood thing? But more than that, as Daddy reminded me.. while no marriage is perfect, because no human is perfect..we all fail and disappoint one another from time to time.. God created us with a heart for one another. It wasn't just some huge cosmic accident that we came to be together. It was His plan..and the God who loves me so much that He sent His son to die so that He could have a relationship with me, would never have given me anything but the person that is best for me...someone who may not be perfect..but is perfect for me.

So, after all this, do I feel any better about Richard going away? Honestly, I still hate the idea, I still miss him already, I still worry about how the boys will do in his absence. I'm still a little scared, and uncertain.. but I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it -will- be okay.. and that Someone far greater than I is there for me, and for Richard, and our family.

And I'm choosing to trust Him.